The Reinvention of Cake

What does Jehovah have against Michael Jackson?

By

Berry Michel

So, I told you my mom was a devout Jehovah’s Witness. That made my childhood somewhat interesting. I was the kid that didn’t celebrate birthdays or Christmas which made me an instant hit at school. Not! I also spent most of my time at the Kingdom Hall when not doing schoolwork. We went to the Kingdom Hall on Tuesday and Thursday evenings every week and of course Sundays. That’s three times per week already and to top it all off, I would have to go knock on doors every Saturday morning trying to sell the Watchtower magazine. Those Saturday mornings spent knocking on doors of people that didn’t want to talk to me were my first lessons in rejection and humility. I can’t say it felt very good, but it taught me the value of persistence and shaking off failure to move on to the next challenge. Yes, people were mean most of the time. But occasionally we would come across a kind soul who would at least talk to us.

The other weird thing about growing up Jehovah’s Witness is that my mom would get on these campaigns to prevent evil from spreading in the world all courtesy of Jehovah. When I was growing up playing sports was a bad thing according to Jehovah. Youth were much better off by concentrating on their salvation instead of meaningless competition. My mom also went on this Proctor and Gamble bender. Yes, the company that makes Tide laundry detergent and a host of other household products was dead in the crosshairs of Jehovah. Somehow there was this story going around that the founder of the Proctor and Gamble company sold his soul to the devil to establish his wealth. Supposedly, the company logo at the time was connected to devil worship and my mom was hell bent on getting that demon out of her home. So, my mom would try not to buy Proctor and Gamble products but that proved too difficult because they made almost everything you needed to take care of your home. So, she resorted to buying the products but scraping off the company logo located on the back of the products. I’m not sure how scraping off a label is pleasing to Jehovah when you still bought the devil’s products, but it made my mom rest easier.

But the one thing that really got under my skin as a Jehovah’s Witness kid was the attack on Michael Jackson, the King of Pop. When I was growing up Michael Jackson was so cool. I wanted to dress like him, and dance like him. I had the Thriller jacket and the glitter glove to match. I was moonwalking all over the place. Then Jehovah got involved. It seems that Michael Jackson grew up a Jehovah’s Witness kid too. Because Michael’s Jackson’s parents were Jehovah’s Witness, Mike knew the truth according to Jehovah and he chose to deny it by going off and making popular music and millions of dollars. How dare you, Mike! So, Jehovah banned us from playing his music and supporting anything affiliated with him. That meant my Thriller jacket and glitter glove had to go. I was pissed. What in the world does Jehovah have against Michael Jackson? The guy made music that brought joy to millions of people around the world. But then what do I know? I made up my mind at that moment that Jehovah and I probably would not agree on things. I think I am a spiritual guy but sometimes you just have to use your best judgement.