The Reinvention of Cake

Naked and Unafraid

By

Berry Michel

I hated my teenage years. I wasn’t popular and I felt awkward most days. I didn’t have nice clothes or money. I was introverted and tried to keep to myself mostly. I had a few friends, but I tried not to get too close to anyone fearing that I would be disappointed at some point. I was also afraid to stand up for myself so I would calmly play off any confrontation as if  the person wasn’t worth my time or energy.

I also suffered from a severe case of acne that all but destroyed my self-esteem. I tried to put up this wall that nothing bothered me and that I was unfazed by what others thought of me. The truth is that I did care and inside I was at war with myself. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right and that people didn’t like me. On top of all the self-hate, I had eyes for this one girl that I was obsessed with. Only one problem, she didn’t want me.

If you bottle all this up in a teenage body with raging hormones and a not yet fully developed brain, you have a recipe for disaster. I was a walking disaster. I felt like my facade of armor was my only hope of survival. I never talked to anyone about how I felt. I pretended to be tough and hard on the outside while the inside of me dissolved into a squishy mess. But as hard as I tried, all those horrible thoughts took a toll on me. I often felt depressed during those years and sadly I hate to admit that I thought of taking my own life at certain points.

However, no matter how hard things got for me I continued to persevere. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all bad, but I just remember more of the bad, and I was so glad when my high school journey was over. It seemed to me as much as I tried to keep a low profile and blend into the background, some idiot always wanted to start something. But I was too smart to fall into their small minded trap.

I remember one incident that changed my whole perspective on life during my senior year. I was standing in the middle of my high school’s common area talking to someone when some ill willed person snuck up behind me and pulled down the jeans and underwear I was wearing that day. Yes, there I was standing in the center of the common area with balls out being laughed at by what seemed like my entire high school.

So, what did I do? I played it cool like always and put up my armor even though I was naked and exposed. I stood there for almost a straight minute with my pants down looking at people like I had absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. If I could have smoked a cigarette, I would have done it in that moment just to add to the theatrics.

After taking my sweet time to pull my pants back up, I made my way to my wall locker to get my things ignoring all the onlookers like their opinion didn’t matter. I was smooth even if I was embarrassed and emotionally scarred. As I gathered my things in my locker trying to put the moment behind me, this cute girl was making her way to her locker, and she stopped and spoke to me for maybe the first time. She stared at me for a second and said, “I saw what happened to you back there. But just so know. I would have sex with you.” She turned and continued to her locker.

I stood there stunned and confused not believing my virgin ears. Her provocative words just turned my horrible situation in a positive direction. I learned a valuable lesson that day. Often situations are not as bad as they seem and all too often our own jaded perspective blocks us from seeing the good in ourselves and in other people. So, if there is one life lesson I would like to impart from this story, it’s this. No matter how bad a situation gets, don’t ever let anyone control your narrative. It’s absolutely all right to be naked and unafraid.